I suspect there are other reasons why some relationships and especially some interracial relationships fail. Perhaps so unconscious that I think a few others nearly telepathically knew that. I actually think why some relationships in general fail’s the lack of responsibility, including the lack of self-responsibility. If some black men are suspected of having self-hatred and projecting it onto fellow blacks, they should be better off learning how to build themselves up first.
But that would mean realising that constantly seeking validation from other people involves emotional labour (all the people pleasing until they get tired). It’s as if you expect others to cook but there comes a time where you better learn to cook yourself. As if black and white men do date women outside of their race don’t want to be made responsible for themselves first and foremost, even if that helps save marriages.
Though similar things could be said of women to some extent, men are just as culpable. But that would involve having to actually mature like learning how to clean dishes yourself and helping her out with the clothes (there’s a study on how and why some black men and white women divorce’s because the former don’t want to do chores).
There’s also likely the element of escapism in some interracial relationships. Not just with women (there are several articles and studies on the phenomenon of Cameroonian mail order brides) but also men. Like they want somebody who doesn’t remind them of the people who traumatised them and idealise them until flaws speed up the divorce that it’s heartbreaking (I’ve been through similar things).
Like if black men can’t stand black women perhaps unconsciously for being more educated and being breadwinners and then they idealise white women. But since white people outearn blacks with white women being just as likely to be more educated than white men then it becomes more of the same problem.
(I’ve been through similar things myself.)
I guess a combination of irresponsibility and escapism can sour relationships. I suspect if somebody were to learn to be more responsible for themselves as much as they can do about it before they can enter relationships, even if they’re free to date anybody of any ethnicity there’s also going to be cases where they end up with somebody else altogether.
You could be a black man who likes animals who thinks about dating white women but end up with a black or even Asian veterinarian’s daughter as your wife instead. Or you could be a nerdy black man who ends up with a black girl who’s at least more obedient even if her interests don’t match up. Ad infinitum.
But that would involve realising there are people who’re more compatible with you than those you fantasise about. If you’re black and you like cats, you’d do well with people who like them too than with a white woman who doesn’t like them. Same with dogs. Though that would involve realising that sometimes the person who has more in common with you isn’t who expected.
I guess any one of those factors explain why some relationships don’t go well as expected. Perhaps the most damning thing’s that any one or both of them require maturity in order to make a relationship last.