Other reasons for divorce

I suspect there are other reasons why some relationships and especially some interracial relationships fail. Perhaps so unconscious that I think a few others nearly telepathically knew that. I actually think why some relationships in general fail’s the lack of responsibility, including the lack of self-responsibility. If some black men are suspected of having self-hatred and projecting it onto fellow blacks, they should be better off learning how to build themselves up first.

But that would mean realising that constantly seeking validation from other people involves emotional labour (all the people pleasing until they get tired). It’s as if you expect others to cook but there comes a time where you better learn to cook yourself. As if black and white men do date women outside of their race don’t want to be made responsible for themselves first and foremost, even if that helps save marriages.

Though similar things could be said of women to some extent, men are just as culpable. But that would involve having to actually mature like learning how to clean dishes yourself and helping her out with the clothes (there’s a study on how and why some black men and white women divorce’s because the former don’t want to do chores).

There’s also likely the element of escapism in some interracial relationships. Not just with women (there are several articles and studies on the phenomenon of Cameroonian mail order brides) but also men. Like they want somebody who doesn’t remind them of the people who traumatised them and idealise them until flaws speed up the divorce that it’s heartbreaking (I’ve been through similar things).

Like if black men can’t stand black women perhaps unconsciously for being more educated and being breadwinners and then they idealise white women. But since white people outearn blacks with white women being just as likely to be more educated than white men then it becomes more of the same problem.

(I’ve been through similar things myself.)

I guess a combination of irresponsibility and escapism can sour relationships. I suspect if somebody were to learn to be more responsible for themselves as much as they can do about it before they can enter relationships, even if they’re free to date anybody of any ethnicity there’s also going to be cases where they end up with somebody else altogether.

You could be a black man who likes animals who thinks about dating white women but end up with a black or even Asian veterinarian’s daughter as your wife instead. Or you could be a nerdy black man who ends up with a black girl who’s at least more obedient even if her interests don’t match up. Ad infinitum.

But that would involve realising there are people who’re more compatible with you than those you fantasise about. If you’re black and you like cats, you’d do well with people who like them too than with a white woman who doesn’t like them. Same with dogs. Though that would involve realising that sometimes the person who has more in common with you isn’t who expected.

I guess any one of those factors explain why some relationships don’t go well as expected. Perhaps the most damning thing’s that any one or both of them require maturity in order to make a relationship last.

Home Self-Improvement

Though there are people who wish others would change, there are those who do and can change themselves at will. As if they know they have a fault that they’re trying to undo and prefer to be responsible for it themselves. To be honest, I did go through a period of knowing that I had bad grades in school, especially in things I suck that I have to do anything to be good at those.

So there’s always bound to be people who do willingly improve themselves. Working on their own faults. Like you could be drunk but try your hardest not to drink again. Or you could be weak and sickly but try your hardest to get well soon by willingly making yourself sleep and eat well. Some people do know they’re at fault and are willing to correct themselves.

Way too human after all

I highly suspect if people were to honestly regard such animals as people, that wouldn’t just involve making them do responsibilities but also, hard to say, accepting their faults as they are and sometimes there’s nothing people can do about it. Which’s the thing with humans and let’s not forget that some people do change on their own volition.

But I suspect accepting let’s say a beloved pet’s capacity to make itself an invasive species also through mating with other animals that even if it’s a problem known to scientists, it’s something not too many fanatics may accept. Let alone have some amount of critical thinking and introspection, therefore little to no double standards.

I guess the real problem’s that people want something easy to control rather than dealing with a person who tries to change but by their own will. It’s in some regards overly cynical to want something easy to control than to adapt to and accept people’s faults as they are. (Or in some cases, let them improve themselves first.)

The real obstacle to actually regarding animals as people’s a matter of not only being made responsible but also accepting their faults as they are or at least realising it.

Objectively speaking

I sometimes think whenever people love something, it can be hard to think objectively but that would mean accepting a shady side to it. I think that’s why it’s so hard to accept that Michael Jackson could do wrong, that messes with fans’ perception of him. (Though that’s not the end and be all for some people, if they can correct themselves at will.)

I guess in order to think objectively, that would involve realising some things aren’t entirely perfect or whatever. Or if some things are just as bad as others so thusly similarly culpable. It’s like if you like dogs a lot, you might have a hard time accepting that they are predators and even an invasive species in some cases.

Even if that’s objectively problematic, it would be so hard to accept as it is that it’s practically ignored or glossed over. Or anything else really. Those things aren’t necessarily bad in and of themselves but if you have a tendency to pedestalise, the dark side’s too hard to comprehend or accept as it is.

Wolfish greed

Though this kind of selfishness isn’t unique to wolves (other animals tend to guard their food from others and can fought for it when they have it both), the association of wolves with greed makes weird sense. Not that other animals are any better but wolves have been known to not only eat livestock but also carrion.

It’s as if DC’s Caitlin Snow not only creates ice by absorbing heat but also gorges on livestock and corpses to get her endless supply of heat. She’s as hungry as the wolf. Let’s not also forget that in the Divine Comedy, the she-wolf’s skinny and out to eat Dante. As if Caitlin Snow’s out to eat every superhero to get heat.

Hence why wolves are greedy.

Some epiphany

Hanson is one of those bands that not too many people take it seriously and worse off, grouped with actual boy bands. I don’t think they’re ever a boy band from the start. Not just because they play instruments and write their own songs. But also because they have (almost) nothing in common with boy bands proper other than a female fanbase to begin with.

Perhaps right up with Bay City Rollers (though I haven’t listened to them much, it’s ironically one of those bands that inspired the Ramones*). Or better yet, Duran Duran. Most of the band members have nearly nothing in common with the true boy bands, whom I think they have more in common with RnB vocal groups.

(Again other than the female fanbase and even then they have little in common with let’s say Nsync.)

That’s not to say they’re a bad band as much as I think even if they’re technically one of the better youth acts to come out of the 1990s (and also one of the more well-adjusted) it seems as if their reputation’s tainted by the then-popular perception of them. 5 Seconds of Summer might not be a boy band by this same metric.

Almost as if ironically, the word boy band’s used to refer to not only the actual boy bands but also rock bands that tend to have a poppy sound and large female fanbase. Bands like Hanson, Bay City Rollers and 5 Seconds of Summer are practically the latter.

Boys 2 Men, The Mac Band (I think) and the like should be grouped with Nsync. But I still think it’s pretty unfair to call Hanson and 5 Seconds of Summer boy bands when in reality they aren’t from the get-go. (Similar things can be said of Bay City Rollers.)

*Joey Ramone had ambitions of becoming a popstar.

The baby in the cradle

The connections between Superman and the Bible have been made. In fact it’s assumed that Superman is based on Moses as both of them were born at a time of crisis, sent away to a safer place and then fighting against enemies. A stretch but Moses did fight some Egyptians. Supergirl is Superman’s younger cousin but subsequent writers grew aware of this connection that she’d inevitably be Miriam. (As in sent to look after them.)

I suspect a celestial, if almost divine association between Kryptonians and angels (many of the angels’ names end in el) or Biblical figures is almost somewhat as unconscious as it’s intuitively logical. Both of them fly and come from outer space, though some feel compelled to compare him to Jesus (whose mother’s also named Miriam*). Funny enough at some point Supergirl was made into an angel and redeemed a young girl through fusion.

Said girl went onto do heroic things. (Even stranger still, Gail Simone considered turning another superheroine into a practising Christian but that didn’t go through.) But it seems the Hebrew influence on Superman is here to stay.

*It’s also oddly logical that both of them wear blue.